The Struggle of Being a Disabled Creator

Hello cutiepatootie.
I hope you're dandy today, I've missed you.

I wouldn't let myself post anything until I had published this piece.. which I've now had completed in my drafts for weeks now.
If you're reading this, that means that I finally pressed that damn publish button.
Procrastination at it's finest, but you'll see why I was so hesitant.
This is important to me.


I am writing this from the point of view of an invisible illness sufferer.
I know that there's still a percentage of people in the world, who unfortunately, only relate the word disabled to those in a wheelchair and never being able to walk.
I'm not doubting the validity of those in that horrid struggle.
But, personally, being a wheelchair user one day then another running around a festival, I know this closed-minded definition to, frankly, be a load of bollocks.
Disability comes in all shapes and forms, my friend.

But that is a topic I will touch on another day. 

This piece is about mine and many other's struggle to simply achieve our dreams due to chronic illness, whether physical or mental, we are tormented.
My (clich├ęd) dream is to simply be a creator.
To write, to paint, to make, to learn, to inspire, to create. 
To make all forms of art, throughout my lifetime, everyday.
This is why my blog and social media mean so much to me (and others, like me too), it is an accessible outlet to create on a daily basis in very 'easy' ways.

But even so this is a struggle.
I mean it seems like such a simple thing to do, to tweet and post, how can it be a struggle?
All one has to do is pick up a phone and type a few words. Right?

There is SO much I want to do, yet have SUCH little energy and are too FULL of pain do so.
My head, my mind is blurred constantly, I swear it's no longer mine.
I want my mind back, I want the ability to be able to think clearly again, to word sentences.
I know I'm not stupid but this thing always makes me feel stupid.
I want to do EVERYTHING, but EVERYTHING feels impossible in this endless pain EVERYWHERE.
Why does it have to be everywhere? 
All I want to do is write a few paragraphs, take and edit a few pictures.
Why is such a basic thing so hard?
It should be so simple.
My thought process on a daily basis consists of those last few lines and I don't know how to overcome it.

And the most frustrating thing being the fact that if I don't create at least something in someway each day, I feel so incredibly unproductive. Like my illness is winning.
I feel miserable.
(Don't even get me started on basic chores and living, that's a different story.)
This is about achieving my (our), goals, hopes and dreams.
After all, this contributes to our mentality which is crucial for mentally keeping ourselves fighting, keeping ourselves going and adapting to the difficult, painful situations we are given.
(Which we are fantastic at by the way.)
Feeling unproductive, is only going to make me, us, feel like utter crap.

So how on earth do we overcome this struggle? How on earth do we solve this conundrum?
Well to be honest I have no idea, if I knew, I would have already shared the answer with you, my friend.
SO why am I writing this post you may ask?
Well I'm not really sure. I wanted to see if others felt the same.
I just needed an outlet, and I know I have you.
Something I am so very thankful for.
I've realised how much of my support network, my backbone, is online - and oh MY do I love my online community. Each one of you. You get me through hours, days, weeks, months.
I am so thankful.
I am here for you, always.
Your problems are mine, healthy or disabled.
And I wanted to share my thoughts and troubles, with you, in the hopes that others perhaps feel the same.

All I can tell you is that you define your own productivity.
From brushing your teeth to simply gathering the energy to re-adjust a pillow.
You did that, you struggled, maybe even cursed, but you did that.

We are innovators as a result of dealing with an inaccessible world.
We are problem solvers.
We are flexible.
We adjust.
We can do this.

EDIT/WORDS: POPPY FIELD

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Stay safe, stay beautiful and have a fabulous day!




6 comments

  1. Love this Poppy! ♡ You managed to put everything I wish I could put into words into words!

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    1. I'm SO glad you can relate to this Hannah, it's honestly such a good feeling to know other's get it because you can get so caught up in your own struggle. All my love lovely, stay safe and beautiful xxx

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  2. This is exactly how I feel. Im so glad you pressed the publish button. I just feel so useless if I don't do something productive and I feel like I fail at blogging because no matter how hard I try I cannot keep to a schedule. Always here for you lovely <3
    Beth x
    Mermaid in Disguise

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    1. Oh Beth, it does sadden me to know that others have the same struggle; but also the BIGGEST relief and breath of fresh air. Goodness, thank you so very much. You, and all our beautiful spoonie friends, are the reason I had the courage to press it in the first place! So thank you, thank you so dearly. There is no such thing as failing at blogging, blogging is your outlet not a competition, please always remember this on bad days. Life is too short to stick to a schedule anyway, just do you my friend and blogging happiness will come.
      Much love to you and I hope you have a wonderful day my munckin, stay safe xxx

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  3. This is brilliant, you're so brave to publish something as honest as this! I don't know how you keep up with social media and blogging and everything else that goes on in your life with chronic Illness. I know that I don't achieve as much as I want without something that zaps me of energy and fills my with pain on my back, I really do have a lot of respect for you! Sending loads of hugs,
    Bethany x

    bethanygraceo.blogspot.dk

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    1. I can ALWAYS count on you to put the hugest hugest smile on my face. I don't know how you do it, you must be a natural at making all poppys grin so big that it engulfs china. Thank you for being such a back bone for me honestly, thank you. Niether do I, hahah! Just somehow at a push I do hahah! Don't be silly, you define your own productivity and besides there IS too much to do in life, there will always be too much to do. Once you expect that fate, it's so much easier to deal with :)
      Again, thank you for the bag of smiles.
      Sending many a massive hug right back at ya (and macarons and tea)
      Stay safe and beautiful my lovely girl xxx

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