Productivity

Something that has been brought to my attention recently by friends and people online is a thought or emotion that many of us have probably experienced in our life; especially those who have lost their mobility and find themselves bedbound or housebound due to illness.

"I’m not important because I am not productive."

This is probably one of the most damaging things that anyone, unwell or not, can take for or mislead themselves into believing is a fact.

Your worth does not nor never will depend on how productive you are in this current temporary moment in time. 

This is something I have struggled with and still are to this day, however I no longer take it for fact.

I attend a drama group, as some of you may know. I attended it as a little girl and recently in September '13, restarted. I suffer from awful social anxiety so I am simply trying to boost my confidence through that, it's working, I am surrounded by beautiful people there. Yet I am still very shy in big groups and due to my illness (which makes me lethargic) I tend to be sometimes overwhelmed and overshadowed by the vibrant personalities there.

However due to my horrific illness relapse (in which I ended up admitted and in A&E many-a times over Christmas and NY) I was unable to properly partake in their Janurary production. I spent a huge amount of my time Decemember until about Feburary beating myself up mentally. I felt unimportant for not taking part as much as I originally thought I was going to be. Like I let people and myself down. I turned up to almost every single production (a week after hospital) in production week to at least be present and feel active. I was only in about 3 or so minutes including every performance overall, the rest of my time I spent sitting backstage or standing around trying to help. 
My lack of productivity made me feel unimportant.
This happened again the other day, my drama group decided to do a mock of Strictly Come Dancing and I was originally meant to be in it however as it's full on dancing, I was avised not to. I'm glad I didn't, it looked exhausting.
However I turned up, helped out backstage a bit.
I was dreading a repeat of emotions from Janurary when I felt awful for barely taking part, and I did feel those emotions all over again. It sucked and myself self-hatred down-spiralled.

And that's when I realised.

I had taken part. I had come up with a main idea for one of the main group dances, many of my opinions and ideas had made it into the final performance. The fact that I was physically unable to take part due to disability doesn't mean i had been any less productive or less important.
I was productive, I tried my best. I mattered.

A year ago I wouldn't have attempted to even try.

Producitivity, whether it be writing a small blog post, reading, painting your nails, texting a friend briefly. The smallest things are they key to help recovery, whether you demons be mental or physical.



Every productive action counts and please don't ever beat yourself up because by your standards it's small; trust me I set incredibly high standards for myself. So much so that I don't even bother to be productive sometimes because I know I won't reach my standards. Try and fail, but don't fail to try.

But whatever you do, it counts. Congratulate yourself because you are productive in every way. I promise.

You opened the curtains today? Great.

You walked down the stairs today? Incredible.

You put your slippers on? Even better, there's the ambition to try get up.

You sorted out those dreaded emails and bills? Amazing, gurl you're frickin' on fire.

You are doing well, sometimes you need someone to say it, so I will. Say it to other's as well, congratulate them on their achievements.

You are doing it, even how hard it maybe, you are doing it.

So keep doing things, keep doing every day life. Work with what you have, build a foundation. Keep building that foundation even when it gets knocked down many-a-time. Keep at it. When you feel it falling down again, read this again, I probably will too.

It feels good to get some stuff done. "Simple is good" - Jim Henson.

I feel that too many people spend too much time trying to perfect something before they actually do it. Instead of waiting for your ideal perfection, being healthy, life going your way again etc. 

Run with what you've got and fix what you can as you go. 



*just had to edit some spelling mistakes whoops*

3 comments

  1. Such a great post Poppy. You keep telling yourself all these things. You can still contribute so much. Drama groups can be really great for building confidence. It's why I joined one back when I was 14 and I went on to study theatre at uni then masters in stage management.
    Even if you can't be onstage one of the biggest contributions you cam make is to be backstage if you can. Even if all you can manage is to be there for suppport. But if you ever want to feel more productive but obviously on a manageable physical scale let me know and I'll get back to you on how to set things up professionally and things you can do to be invaluable.

    Sian xx

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  2. I've read this post quite a few times already since you posted it, but it has really helped me on a bad day today when I was getting upset about my lack of productivity, so thank you so much sweetheart. You are one in a million.
    I've also nominated you for a Liebster Award because I heart you and your blog to pieces - http://ramblingsofthekatiekind.blogspot.co.uk/2014/09/liebster-award-nomination.html.
    Lots of love! Katie xxx

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  3. I just found your Instagram and I thought I'd nosy through your blog, and honestly I am so glad I did. I too suffer from a chronic illness which leaves me bed bound a lot of the time. I don't work and I study from home so I feel I miss out on a lot. It is my dream to travel but my anxiety and health feel like they hold me back, but your posts are SO inspiring. Keep being your amazing self, girl! You can achieve so much :)

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